You think you have alot to say until you get out there to say it.

Smothered by smell of cattle, a million heaving lungs, all waiting in line beside you for that one little piece of recognition, piece of justification, peace of mind. Talking endlessly into the ether, the difference between like-minds and self-importants. But in the end, the self-importants win. Cruel joke, I know.

I threw this together for a reason right? Am I awake? Am I asleep? There’s no way to tell.

With that in mind, it’s hard not to try to find the next way to kill brain cells, the next body to sleep by, the next distraction to make you forget about trying to be worth something. Are you worth something as long as you have someone? What about on the cusp of orgasm or the peak of intoxication?

Little deaths. For like-minds, they are little deaths. Little ways to avoid the big one. Little distractions to keep our minds off of ourselves, our station, and our worth. Because sometimes no matter what we achieve, the feeling of acheivement can only come from within. Sounds like self-important talk to me. And that is why the self-importants will always win.

Some of us are just wired wrong. To write it feels like it’s an excuse. To talk about it would risk minimizing it. But you know something wasn’t built in.

I threw this together for a reason right? Am I awake? Am I asleep? There’s no way to tell.